Oui! C'est les archives!

Ici we 'ave the ol' peectures, you know. But, of course, you 'ave seen them before! Ah 'ope they are steel eenteresteeng for you. Oh, ma goodness!

"Je n'ai pas une marble!"

Monsieur Le Canard has taken the fall for Le Grand Fromage.

Monsieur Le Canard, 'e 'as taken the fall for Le Grand Fromage! 'E 'ad a smuggleeng reeng pour les ânes, you know! Ah do not know why! Mais, donkeys are where l'argent grandes ees these days!

Maintenant, Alphonse, 'e ees dans 'La Grande Maison' avec une straitjacket, parce que les vis theenk that 'e ees a crazy mad type theeng. Mais, c'est ne pas vrai! Ah mean, oui! 'E ees a creemeenal of the worst kind! Oui! 'E ees wanted by vingt huit seperate countries pour les crimes against les chapeaux. Oui! 'E ees also the wearer of un moustache indigne!

But, ees Monsieur Le Canard deserving of thees kind of treatment? People of the World!

Regardez votre dos, Alphonse!

Alphonse has a bad day at the office.

Ici, we 'ave Monsiuer Le Canard doing the worst job 'e 'as ever 'ad! Oh no! 'E 'as started to go a leetle beet crazy! See 'e 'as a slack jaw, et 'e 'as beeg scarey eyes! Oh non! Pauvre Alphonse....

'A theenk 'e needs some medication. Very very queeckly. Ah theenk 'e weel go very psycho, and hide under the desk.

Et ici we 'ave the great ancestor of Monsieur Le Canard. 'E was not a very nice chap.

What are you looking at, leetle knight type theengs? You like my outrageous accent, oui?

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time...

Alphonse likes to play poker with his fried Henri La Grenouille down by the docks.

Monsieur Le Canard avec Henri "Beebop" La Grenouille. 'E likes to play weeth heem down by the docks. Mais seulement cards, vous comprez? Et, eef you say enytheeng else about what 'e does down by the dock of the bay, 'e weel send the boys round to votre maison et they weel keeck the merdes out of you! C'est vrai!

They are not very nice boys, you know? They 'ave beeg hands and beeg feet. Kind of like Henri, mais il est un pacifiste! 'E does not understand why Alphonse works for La Grande Fromage. En fait, il est un beeg ceessy type theeng avec les sous-vêtements of the woman, you know?

Mais, il est un ami de Monsieur Le Canard! Et aussi, eef you extract the urine from Henri, Alphonse weel send some other boys around. Oui! 'E weel do thees theeng! 'E weel get you, leetle geek thype theengs!

Alphonse meets a tiger on his holidays in deepest Borneo.

Ici, we 'ave mes vacances! Ah went to darkest Borneo, you know. Eet was very nice, et aussi, ah made a new friend - Claude! Say "Bonjour!", Claude. 'E ees a tiger.

Ah 'ad to stop 'eem biting ma bottom, tout le temps!

 Algernon Ponsonby-Mallard the Third, at his country estate.

'Ere ees my Engleesh cousin, Lord Algernon Ponsonby-Mallard III. 'E ees very reech and also very deeffeecult to understand.

Thees ees hees country estate, Mallard Hall. Ah 'ave never been there before, parce que 'e theenks ah am a clochard. Mais, c'est ne pas vrai.

'E also says "What" and "I say" and "old fellow" many many times.

 In his previous life.

Ah! C'etait les bons vieux temps! Oh, pardon! Ah 'ave never seen these men before een ma life! Ah was not there, you see!

 J'aime le football.

Euro 2004 - Monsieur Le Canard ees a professional footballer, you know! Eet ees a crazy game! Joues le football, Alphonse!

Monsieur Le Canard goes to the North Pole

Regard! Alphonse ees un eskimo!

All frozen

Quelle domage! Now, 'e ees une glace! Quelle idiot!

 Monsieur Le Lounge Lizard

Monsieur, 'E ees tryeeng to peeck up la petite fille, you know! Va, Alphonse!

 Ni hao!

Xiao Kao Ya - 'E ees my cousin, you know.

Mon ami, Vincente Le Poisson.

Alphonse's workmate, Vincente Le Poisson.

The Big Cheese.

Alphonse's boss, The Big Cheese.

 Hi ho, Silver!

Oh! Regard! Alphonse "Le Cowboy" Le Canard. Look out for those pesky injuns!

 Not again!

Pauvre petit Alphonse! The arrows, they must 'urt like crazy!

 The daughter's wedding day.

Monsieur Le Canard - 'e 'as called in Jimmy Le Cossack pour un business meeting, you know. Pauvre Jimmy!

 The masked avenger.

Signor El Pato, the masked avenger. Ole!

 Going native.
 He is falling

Eyeball to eyeball, with the man in the black pyjamas. They aren't in the jungle... They ARE the jungle... (with apologies to Edgy and Al).

 Alphonse's second work-related injury.

Oh no! I 'ope 'e 'as clean knickers...

 Alphonse runs.

Alphonse Le Canard runs away from the circus

 Alphonse's first job.

Monsieur Le Carnard take his first job, at a steel refinery

 Alphonse's first work-related injury.

Oh merds! Pauvre Alphonse!

 Ah Perestroika!

Alphonse! 'E 'as defected - Un Rusky ducky!

 Alphonse swims with the fishes.

'E 'as gone for le swim. Bonjour Monsieur Canard!

 Poor Alphonse.

Oh dear! Alphonse, 'e was les hors d'oeuvres!

Everything on these pages belongs to moi! Ah weel send les boys round on you, eef you are naughty geek type theengs!